I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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