Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
