I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
