Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
