...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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