you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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