Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
