he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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