so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
