ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
