I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
