So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
