I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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