East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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