I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
birth control should be required to get into college
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
