Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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