Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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