Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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