Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
