so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
