Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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