My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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