I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
