Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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