Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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