so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
