I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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