just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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