Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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