the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I want a musical about memes.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
