we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i love accidental penises.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
