SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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