Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
what day is it and did you see me today?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
