I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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