he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
