I'm lost and stupid without you.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
