I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize