He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
