I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
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i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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