My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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