took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
