there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
