You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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