She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
