I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
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I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
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I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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