1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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