He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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