I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
