my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
