All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
