How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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