maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
