VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
