she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
