mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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