When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
