So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
