i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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