remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
