I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
