i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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