i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
