your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
