so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
