Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
