first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize