u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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