Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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