My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
