i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
