A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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