Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
